True but thats because hes a fetus.
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Randomize
