Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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