I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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