ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
