dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
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This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
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Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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