you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
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