ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
3pm strippers are depressing
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
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