it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
