Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Randomize