I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
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