i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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