Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize