Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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