Don't make out with my wife yet
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
areolas are like halos for boobs.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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