I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
