Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
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Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
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I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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