I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
