He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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