farters have to be the big spoon...
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
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