I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
