my room smells like sperm. sweet.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
