"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Randomize
