I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Randomize
