You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
