Small penises have feelings too.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
