she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Green mimosas i think yes
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Randomize
