someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
