Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
