remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
