theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
