My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Come share oat with me in your robe
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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