I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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