I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
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