I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
