think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Randomize
