there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
