i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
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