Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
