Whats the glycemic index on semen?
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Randomize
