I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Drunk is a universal language darling
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
