My hair reeks of homosexuality.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Randomize
