The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Randomize
