I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize