I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
