Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
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