just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Two words: blizzard sex
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
