its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
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He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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