she kept yelling 'call me bella'
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
