Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize
