I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
