i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
