i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Every concussion has its silver lining
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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