It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize