He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
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