the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Randomize
