you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Randomize
