Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
