About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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