I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize
