Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
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