Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
