so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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