ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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