Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
