just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
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